When I walked towards the nursery, I was so anxious to see the little girl, anxious to hold her, but if I would take my steps just a tad faster, I remember running out of breath, like I couldn't get air into my lung.

When I first saw little Rachel, she had rashes all over her little face, wrapped up in towel sleeping comfortably. I didn't get to carry her until later, and the first time I have her in my arms, it felt weird. Somehow, there's a part of me which says, is this really my daughter?? I gave birth to her! It's just unbelievable. However, when it was time to try to breastfeed, I had a really hard time! :(
She wouldn't latch on, she cries like I was hurting her in some way, and she looks like she's not comfortable in my arms... When the nurses took her away, I was feeling bad, sad, and dissapointed.... I have not have enough time with my little baby, and I don't want her to go away crying! So sad... (On another note, I had a hard time trying to breastfeed. I remember a time a few days after birth, where Rachel was crying non stop, and I was crying too, from hearing her cry of hunger and not being able to get her to latch on correctly, from the pain, from the heartache... *Sob* *sob*)

Everyone was thrilled and excited about the birth of Rachel, everyone wants to hold her, but the nurses forbid it! Mother in law got SO mad with the nurse cuz the nurse pushed her away when she wanted to see her grandkid... Everyone was 'promoted', parents became grandparents, brothers becoming uncle, everyone was all smiles... Everyone gathered to take a peek, to discuss and to carry... That's how little Rachel's existence lighted the families up.

When I was carrying Rachel out of the ward into the car, everyone that was waiting in the outpatient lounges looked on, and I felt proud. Proud to be holding my little baby. When we reached home and she started crying, I panic and didn't know what to do! I didn't know how to feed her, I didn't know that I should check if she poo-ed, it was a total hassle!!!!

However, everything turned out fine, and I pray hard little Rachel will grow up healthy and well.... ;)

Labels: Labour, Parenting, Rachel Huan

I was wheeled into the labour room again around 11pm, and prepared for labour. Thank God a good nurse was around that night, she kept checking on me every other minute, not like those nurses in the morning that just left me waiting, without a single check. I was having very bad contraction at that time, until my legs were shivering.

After another dilation check at 12am, the nurse STILL told hubby to go home, saying that it was my first labour and it'll be at least another 1 or 2 hours before I'll be delivering! OMIGOD! I still have to endure this pain for so long? Without my hubby with me somemore? Lucky hubby was VERY smart, he stood around, delay delay, then suddenly, the nurse told hubby, you stay here and accompany her, she's about to deliver...

I was shocked! Dr.B is no where to be seen... I remember questioning where he is, was told he's on his way, then at a point the nurse was standing in position ready to deliver my baby, and asking a trainee, have you delivered before??!!! At that exact moment, (I believe God planned everything right to the exact second) Dr.B stepped in. I heard the nurse telling him, she's ready. Then I remember him telling me don't yell, use your energy to push, then came a contraction, remembering him saying very good, somemore, somemore, a little bit more, then a relax moment, and when the next contraction comes, Rachel was born, 12:39am! Everything happened in 39 minutes.

When I saw little Rachel, she was purple in color. I remember wanting to hold her, but as I was stitched up, the nurse put Rachel on my chest, let me have a look, let me kiss her forehead then she took Rachel away to be warmed up. I wanted to call out to my baby, when I realised that I was not told of the gender! Should I be calling the baby Rachel of Ryan (the name we have chosen if I were to give birth to a baby boy). I asked Dr.B and to my amazement, he actually looked back at me, look at the nurse, and asked, what gender is the baby? The nurse then had to unwrap Rachel to check! hahaha..... I also remember Rachel crying, remember me calling out to her asking her not to cry, remember the nurse saying Rachel's a sweet name, but other than that, I don't remember much anymore, cuz I dozed off! :(

I was very uncomfortable on the labour bed, waking up on and off, feeling all numb and tired. I also remember a nurse waking me up at 3am, to tell me she has decided for me, and gave Rachel their normal milk bottle instead the the Avent milk bottle that I have asked them to use, and being blur from all this, I remember telling her I want to breastfeed, to which she reply but your baby want to drink milk now, I have already given her milk, but not with Avent bottle, cuz baby cannot suck, is it OK?
WAT!? You already gave, can I still say no now?
Then I dozed off again, angry... :(
I was moved back to the ward around 6am, and couldn't sleep anymore, so i ended up messaging the good news to all my friends, and asking hubby when he'll be coming again, so I can go see Rachel! hehehe....

I believe I was very blessed, that my major contraction pain didn't last too long.

Labels: Labour, Parenting, Rachel Huan

I have been knitting a blanket and a cap for BB, and kept reminding BB not to arrive before I complete. I completed it about 11:30pm of 25 May 2006. Feeling relief, and satisfied with the product, I pack up and went to bed.

At 1am on 26 May 2006, I woke up feeling uneasy due to tummy ache. Went to toilet and no 'big business' so I went back to bed as it's still so early.

I couldn't really sleep, tummy still aching and it feels like start of menstruation. Realised it's only 2am, I went to toilet to pee, and saw tiny blood stain. I suddenly realized, IT'S TIME! Woo Hoo! It is time! But right after that, I instantly felt nervous! When I woke hubby up, I remember I was trying hard to control myself from trembling, and told hubby, 'WEI, you cannot go to work tomorrow liao!' HaHaHa….

Hubby jumped up and asked what's wrong, then asked if I want to go to hospital now. Because it was just a very little blood, I told him to get back to sleep and we'll go the next morning (Well, he needed the good rest to accompany me mar).

I tried going back to bed, but I only manage to doze off a little, then waking up again and again, so I just went to the living room and watched TV! Hubby came out and checks on me a few times, and was sent back to bed, because I still didn't want to go to the hospital. I wasn't feeling any major pain, just normal uneasiness in the tummy. I also remember reading about walking more to speed up dilation, and don't want to be strapped in the hospital bed waiting, it's just 5 minutes drive away, and waiting in either place, it's the same.

I messaged my mum and mother in law. Mum called at 5am (the time she wakes up to go to shop) asking "Where are you? Why still at home? Bleeding still didn't go hospital? Make sure you eat more so you have energy to push!"… heheheh…. Mother in law called at 7am, had the same worry, why are you guys still at home? HAHAHA…. I bet I drove both of them up the wall with worry that morning!

Hubby got up around 6am, got ready, and sat around. At that time, I was starting to feel a little more painful, and there are interval minor pain that comes and goes (contraction ler). So we decided to go to the hospital, but must eat breakfast first! Hahaha…. I'm such a greed when it comes to food… *wink*

We got ready and drove around, looking for Dim Sum… Imagine my mum's worry when I told her I'm sitting in a DimSum shop eating!

Anyway, we reach the hospital about 8:30am, and were sent to the labour ward for check. I was then told that I am only 1.5cm dilated, and was told to wait in the labour room, beside a lady that was about due to give birth, sweating from pain and breathing in and out heavily! Looking at her, I was afraid I might chicken out, so I asked for transfer, and was very lucky to be given the only single bed labour room.

Why was I in the labour room instead of ward? Good question! It was a busy day, too many people around, all beds are taken up!

Hubby and I ended up sitting there, playing poker cards (DaiDi). Funny isn't it? But lucky I read a book reminding me to bring playing cards for entertainment, else we would have been so bored! I got even more nervous when I overheard the lady next door giving birth, screaming in pain with the doctor's voice telling her to calm down and just push! Hubby and I were exchanging our gaze and felt nervous together, for the delivery process that is waiting ahead…..

Dr.B came to check on me at about 10am, after a few c-section and delivery, joked with me saying it's a busy morning, and he's not even expecting me, why was I there?! HeHe… But he told me that I was still only 1.5cm dilated, and forbid me from going home to wait. So I had no choice but to sit in the labour room and waited.

It was all waiting and contraction pain every 5 minutes the whole day. I nearly gave up and went for surgery instead, but good thing hubby was around to keep asking if I'd regret that decision if he allowed me to do a c-section! Around 6pm, I was still only 1.5cm dilated, no improvement! Was sent to the ward, and Dr.B came again at around 8pm, saying I should be ready for labour tomorrow morning! HOW DO I SLEEP? He ordered for a pain relief for the night.

By 9pm, contraction was getting more intense, I was dozing off, considering I didn't sleep the night before, and also the painkiller. Hubby said that I woke up during contractions, then I just mumbled and then went back to sleep! They were asking hubby to go home since 10pm, because it was an all lady ward, he was not allowed to stay with me unless I was in active labour! :(

Labels: Labour, Parenting, Rachel Huan

Last month or so, a friend suggested that she'll go learn up knitting and knit something for BB. That brought knitting urges back into my hand bones, and made me started with another knitting project, specially for BB. Hubby and I both decided that we will start with a receiving blanket. It started off slow, and the shop is ALWAYS out of yarn, the color that we want. I was a little afraid that I would not have enough time to complete it before BB comes along, but alas, it's DONE!!

I was secretly telling BB that (s)he SHOULD NOT decide to come out before the blanket is completed, that (s)he should wait until the completion before starting to kick her/his way out of the womb... So I guess now that it's completed, it's about time? (HaHaHa... If only we can dictate the time of labour like this).....

I'll post a photo of it when I have a chance, it's pink and yellow in alternate 'squares' with 2 tones of blue as a border. Well, the unimaginable mix of colors came about due to the lack of yarn colors, but I must admit that the result is pretty pleasing. I like!! hehehe..... Lets hope BB will like it too..... ;)

I'm all anxious now. Hubby is anxious. Everyone around me are anxious.

I've sorted things out at work, emails sent out in preparation for an early birth (I AM always a careful person) just in case, so that things can still proceed if I suddenly did not appear through the department door the next day. That's a good feeling, seriously! Knowing that I have sorted out things and I can just dissapear when it's time.

As for preparation for the labour hours, the actual birth scene and the postpartum, well, I can't say the same. I don't know if I've got everything ready, but the only consolation I keep repeating to myself is, hubby can still go home or shop or n'where necessary to get the things BB or I need when I'm in the hospital. Nothing is impossible. I can't get everything planned out, something ought to be missed out. RIGHT?! (Now don't anyone dare to tell me that's wrong, cuz I'm sure that's gonna send me up the scale of worrying).
Postpartum wise, the BB cot is kind of ready, I've washed the sheets, diapers, clothes and all, nicely folded in the BB plastic casing, which stores all other possible BB necessities I can think of, so we SHOULD be prepared. Else, the same theory goes, my mum can go get the things for me. RIGHT?! (HaHaHa, yes yes, yes, tell me yes!!!!)

Now, with all those 'settled', the big question remains, IS IT TIME?!
How I wish the technology is so high-tech now that they can give all prengnant woman a test on some simulator, where you will feel exactly how contraction is, what it actually does to you, so that when I actually feel it in real life, I'll know to recognise it enough to start timing! HOW I WISH!!!!

They tell you there's Braxton, so, err, even if I do feel a contraction (not that I know for sure how it feels like), is it real, or Braxton? HOW AM I TO KNOW if it's time?

I really hope that the water bag will burst, at least that's a good enough sign, right? But then again, article says that due to BB's head acting like a 'cork' on the cervix opening, sometimes the fluid doesn't actually comes out. AIYOH! Now, now, another sign is to have staining!! Now that should be a good enough indication, if I get red stains on my underwear, but, yet again, I read that it might be just a staining, a true sign that labour is about to start, but it might still not mean it is the exact time for labour still!

Hahaha.... Am I getting everyone else confused and worried?? GOOD! Thanks for accompanying me in this worry boat... HEHEHE!!!

Well, I know hubby is more worried if it happens during work hours, as I'm still at work, (and I'll be at work until 26th May, when the EDD is 28th May 2006) and he's far away in KL, and it'll take him sometime before reaching me, so it's gonna be an extra obstacle. Also, it's a reminder to myself that I should really really be sure that it's at least near 80% real, before I actually get hubby rushing down from KL, to be told that it's just a false alarm, hehe. So lets just pray hard now, that I will be one of those lucky ones, that will have clear signs of labour starting, and that it will happen either on the weekends when hubby is with my 24 hours of the day, or it happens in the middle of the night, or at least early in the day, before we actually go to work.... (YEAH! I'm greedy, I ask for a lot, hehehe)

Hubby and I were in the car going to my mum's yesterday night, when we heard this program on the radio, teaching the listener the basic words to know when visiting Korea, so you know how to ask for direction. The conversation goes some sort like this:

(K) the person that teaches the Korean words
(DJ) the DJ
NOTE: All Korean words is represented by "bla bla bla" as I have no idea what he was saying, and I can't spell it even more!! :D

(K) : You should know the word, LEFT and RIGHT, is pronounced as bla bla bla and "bla bla bla".
(DJ) : IC IC. Since I don't know much of Korean, I'd want to know if the person I'm speaking to, knows english or not, so that will make conversation easier. Now how do you say "do you know English?" in their language??
(K) : Nowadays, most Koreans understands English, so you will meet a lot of them that could converse with you in English, and to ask if they could understand you, you ask "bla bla bla bla bla?"

Which at this exact point, hubby and I both looked at each other and uttered the same words, being "just ask, DO YOU SPEAK ENGLISH?"!!!!!!!!! How 'dumb' is that? Tell me tell me....

OK, now you can laugh.... :D

Time's been moving fast.
Feels like yesterday when I was tested positive on the pregnancy test, but BB is due in 3 weeks time now.
As said before, anxiety and worriness is accumulating, increasing in volume day by day... :|

Work wise, boss is starting to worry (after a more than 6 months advance notice), every single thing I bring up to him now, his first question is "Who'll handle it in your absense?". Colleagues are starting to push for certain things to be completed in advance before I go off, well, I can't blame them, but it's starting to take it's toll on my stress level!!

Everything in my head now is about worry, worry that something is wrong, worry that this is not done, worry that this will happen, OMIGOD! I even worry that I'm worrying too much! HaHaHaHa.... (well, it's good to humour myself a little) ~silly dry humour!!!

I think all this accumulates and put me in this extra 'tipsy' mood, tipsy not in the level of alcohol in my bloodstream as I have NADDA of that for the pass 8 months, but tipsy in my temper!! Which is bad... Hope that doesn't affect my blood pressure! (ISH! There I am worrying about nothing again)

So, everyone's been calling and asking me about the same thing;
"Have you delivered?"
"When is it ar?"
"How are you feeling now?"
"Is baby OK?"
"Are you OK?"
"Are you happy?"
"Are you scared?"

AIYOH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I know I know.... Thanks for all the concerns, really, sincerely, thank you... But but but... It's all adding to my tipsy-ness and my worriness....

Anyway, I WILL, I PROMISE, send out an sms to everyone that my phone has a contact of, to notify the arrival of the Rainbow (as hubby calls BB today morning) of our lives as soon as I and hubby is free and relax enough to do so (HAHAHA). Well, if you don't get any sms from me by mid of June (a buffered estimation), it's either your number is not in my contact list (which I should be asking WHY?), or err, something has happened to me in the labour room (yeah yeah, it's a silly remark, really, I know, but err, I just can't resist, sorry).