A friend told me the other day, "all parents are selfish"...

My first defensive answer was, "WHERE GOT?".... Am I? No lar... where got selfish??

His comment lingered in my mind for a long time, and everytime minor things takes place, I think again, AM I SELFISH?!

• I tend to want Rachel to love me or hubby more than she loves anyone else...
• I want to be able to spend as much time (UNDISTURBED) with little Rachel as possible...
• I talk about NOTHING except Rachel lately...
• I tend to interpret certain things that little Rachel happen to coincidentally does, the way I want to interpret it, irregardless of what other think about it or if it's even logical to think that way...
  
• I tend to bring Rachel to places I like to go, insisting that she'll enjoy it too...
• I tend to plan the future for little Rachel based on things I have missed and things I hoped for duin my childhood, not thinking about if she (when she grows up) will enjoy the things I used to enjoy or not...

Well, to err is human... I guess that's where man childhood wishes comes from, like I wished to be able to have more amily trips, to have more time to spend with my late dad when I was younger as he was always busy with work. All this (and others) adds up to me always insisting that when I have my own small family, these are the things I will ensure is done and implemented, family times, family trips, private time with the kids and so on so forth... At this very point, I forgot to take into consideration whether is this what little Rachel and hubby would want in the future... Am I making sense? Hmm....

Labels: Journal, Parenting, Self Improvements

Many a times in life, we are faced with events which we are initially scared of, worried of or even despise of, but later on realise that it happened for the better. This happened to me recently, although I have to admit I was pretty distressed about the whole episode at first, it later on turned out to have helped me in one way or another.

I then was reminded of something I wrote a while back about how God will ensure that whatever happen to me, is for my own good, and I will be able to face it, else He will show me the way and make me learn. And that I should leave all my worries to Him, that He will handle all... I just wish I remember this all the time, instead of needing constant reminders. So why do I get worried about what is going to happen in the tomorrows, or depressed about the yesterdays, when all I can live in is TODAY? The only control that we have, the only changes that are possible, in TODAY!!

Sometimes we are so absorbed with the things we wish for, that we fail to see the whole picture. Sometimes there are just outcomes that are hiding at the corner, which we don't forsee.

So we shouldn't really judge events with the limited eye sight that we have, but to trust God that He knows best.....

Labels: Journal, Self Improvements